friends

It was back in 1984, when I was in the 6th grade. Our class held a popularity vote, and out of 50 students, I ended up being the most popular.

I thought having a lot of friends was a great thing. Some people say it’s important to have a wide social network. Now that I’m in my mid-50s, I can say this: sure, having lots of friends has its benefits—but it's perfectly fine not to have many. Life is lonely anyway. Just because you have many friends doesn’t mean you’re free from loneliness. Even if you’re married with children, that deep loneliness inside never truly disappears. It’s part of being human. That’s why it’s more important to love yourself and reflect on your own life.

There are four things I remind myself of every day, like a mantra, and don’t be shy about those four things.Old clothes, simple friendships, poor parents, and a normal life.

 

Having a soulmate, though—that’s something special. Someone you can share any worry with. Someone you can see anytime, and actually do see often. I’m lucky to have one soulmate like that. We’ve been close for 40 years. he has a mature and warm personality, and every time we meet, I feel healed. he sees the world in a similar way. he loves the countryside, respect his neighbors, and lives with reverence for the heavens.

Still, let’s be honest—the thing that keeps relationships going is money. I’m part of three different social groups, all going strong for over ten years. We each pay monthly dues. Those dues are what allow us to meet regularly.

One of those groups is a reunion of elementary school friends—there are 10 of us. We meet once every quarter, and we share childhood memories. These friends are like my external hard drive. I feel happy every time we meet.

Another group is with people at my workplace who were born the same year as me—1971. There are 25 of us. We do the same kind of work and are growing older together. Meeting them is always a joy.

The last group is made up of friends from my neighborhood. We all live in different places and have different jobs, but we go on trips once or twice a year together.

 

The truth is, I’m not good at saying no. I’ve lent out a lot of money, But I don’t chase people down to pay me back. I just consider it the cost of opportunity. The funny thing is, when you lend money to a friend, at first they’re grateful—but over time, they grow distant, even resentful. Now I don’t lend money anymore. Life is tight for me too. I have elderly parents to care for, and I myself need to prepare for my own retirement.

Do you know The Analects? If the West has the Bible, the East has The Analects of Confucius. There's a quote I really relate to:

"If someone does ten good things but makes one mistake, people will hate them for that one mistake. But the wise man, even if someone does ten bad things, will be appreciated for the one good thing."

 

It resonates deeply with me. Of course, I’m not the wise man and never will be. I’ve had friendships fall apart over a single mistake, or even for reasons too small to name.

 

Different people remember me in different ways. One female coworker thinks I’m totally crazy bastards. But yesterday, I ran into a girl from elementary school at a funeral—after 42 years—and she said she’s always been grateful for me. Most people I meet just once or twice probably think of me as nothing more than a passing thought.

But I love the present. And I’m honestly quite satisfied with my past too. I don’t dwell on past. I don’t cling to the relationships that have left me behind. Instead, I choose to respect the people who are still around me now.